Still, I Am Grateful

Our bodies are neat, huh?

We have the divine ability to create life and and experience the wonders of the Earth.

True, disease happens.  Cancer has happened.  Still, I’m grateful.

It is so easy to wallow in sorrow and self pity about everything that has happened and is still happening.

But I can’t help but think about what I believe about our existence.  Rather, what I know about our existence.  Allow me to explain colloquially.

Millennia ago, there was a war in heaven.  We call it that, but it was more of a family fight.  Essentially, two of our brothers in heaven both volunteered to be an integral part of what we know as the Plan of Salvation or Plan of Happiness.  One brother wanted to be worshiped and loved for his sacrifice, and the other wanted to do it because, well, He loves us.  One promised an easy life, but with little chance to learn.  The other promised that there would be trials, but that there would also always be hope.  Unfortunately, some of our other brothers and sisters believed that life should be easy, and they left our home in heaven with the brother who wanted all the glory… I guess he got to rule over souls after all.  But, they did not get bodies.  We did.

We chose this plan – all of it.  We could have chosen differently and had a vastly different existence.  But, we chose to have a body and learn and experience all that life has to offer – including the hard stuff.

So still, I am grateful.

These past few months have been hard.  We all know that BA is physically strong.  He spent months preparing for the toll that this rigorous treatment would take on his body.  I cannot imagine the physical exhaustion that he feels each day.  But the hardest part has been on the mental aspect.

We cannot separate the mind and spirit.  They are literally one.  Because of that, this journey has also been hard on our spirits.  There is not much that could have been done to prepare for it either.  The emotions come in waves.  Sometimes, its ok.  Sometimes, everything is keeping on.  But, sometimes all of the other stuff that happens in life that might be manageable if BA didn’t have cancer and it can take a toll.

Let me say this though:  Brent and Laurie are the two strongest, most resilient, loving, hopeful and just good people I have ever known in my life.  I may be biased, but that also means I really understand the trials and the life events.  I’ve seen the tears and the exhaustion and the hard stuff.

Still, I am grateful.

Because I’ve also seen the light that each of them emanates from within.  The kind of light that is divinely given to those who do their best to emulate Christ.

How great is it that I get to know BA and Mom! How great is it that I’ve made so many great memories and felt truly unconditional love! How great is it that we have had the chance to experience the good and the bad here on earth.  The tough stuff just makes the great stuff that much more sweet.  So still, I am grateful.

Yes, some days its hard to keep our heads above water.  But we are trying.  And we are not alone, thanks to all of you.   We’ve said it from the beginning… One Team, One Fight.


One thought on “Still, I Am Grateful

  1. Jennifer Tait

    I have been thinking about your Mom lately, even before we saw your parents at some baseball games. Your Mom Laurie was one of my shining supports when I or we went through cancer, 2015.
    It is true, the tough stuff just makes the great stuff that much more sweet.
    Simply being with my family on occasions when I realize I may of had to miss this, or holding a new grandchild, … the scripture that became my anchor is D&C 68:5-6.
    I think that I read it every day! I still do.
    As far as the mental, my husband saw this more than I did.. I believe it was hard for him. That’s why when the time was right, about 6 weeks after the last chemotherapy, I started working out at a gym, following my husbands recommendation, sometimes he or another family member goes with me. I’ve seen Colby, your brother
    there. Through chemo, I made it outside for at least ten minutes each day, thanks to the cancer center, Cheryl. I believe this really helped me too!! I am here for you, your Mom too…she is a shining light to me, and she really always has been, since we served in Young Women’s together. Please feel free to contact me. I am here for you.


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